STOOPID IS AS STOOPID DOES

The other day, riding home from downtown Ocean Shores, I encountered a wrong-way cyclist. I always find people going the wrong way to be PARTICULARLY irritating and probably more so when I'm on my bike than if I'm in a motor vehicle. Walking against traffic is the right thing to do. RIDING a wheeled vehicle against traffic is, simply, STOOPID. I know that people imagine they want to see oncoming traffic in case they decide they need to dump their bike in the ditch. Clearly, they don't read this blog, and equally clearly, they have never really thought through the mechanism of how you'd jump off your bike into the ditch and how quickly such an action could be completed. It's not like walking where you can simply side step on your very next step.

Anyway, in my irritation, I informed the "salmon" that "you're riding the wrong way." I forgot that it is pretty STOOPID to imagine the willfully ignorant "salmon" represents a teachable moment.

Hence, the title of this post.

Kermit Goes Salmon!

ATTENTION - This post may not appeal to vegetarians

What Passes for Bike Parking at the Ocean Shores IGA

It's pretty common among cyclists to refer to operating a vehicle the wrong way (against traffic) as a "salmon." I encountered these sorts of "salmon" from time to time on my bike commute, as documented here (I explain the jargon terms here). Similarly, the only two times I've seen people on bikes "controlling" their lane in Ocean Shores, they were operating their bikes against the normal flow of traffic. Perhaps they were British and simply got confused about what country they were in. If you are reading this and don't understand why this sort of operation is dangerous, read the link and then email me if you STILL need help understanding why the notion of "jumping out of the way" simply won't work on a bike and why even "salmon" operation on a sidewalk is more dangerous than riding on a sidewalk in the same direction as the traffic in the adjacent road lane.


You CAN Carry a Pound of Brisket on a Bike and Still Operate the Brake Lever With the Same Hand


However, last weekend, Kermit discovered that "salmon" CAN be a whole different kettle of fish. What's more, we also discovered that Texas isn't the only place in the US with decent barbecue. In fact, I suspect that the barbecue in Ocean Shores might beat some of the Texas product. Better yet, it's got some varieties of barbecue I've never seen in Texas.

Unsliced Brisket, Straight from the Smoker. "Toto, I don't think we're in Texas any more!"

Friday, I happened to go past the local IGA grocery store when I smelled something familiar. The smell of barbecue smoke. As it turns out, a couple of times a year, the store brings in one of those smoker barbecue trailers. Luckily for me (this being October and all the tourists being gone), they still had brisket. After a taste test, I bought a full pound. It was GREAT. Personally, I think it matched or exceeded Angelo's, Feed Store, Railhead Smokehouse, or Cousins. The only thing it was missing was ambience, there being no benches or other eating facilities present. This didn't present a big problem since I was planning on consuming it over the weekend. Well, to make a long story a little less long, by Sunday the brisket was all gone and I resolved to go back for more. Alas, this time the brisket was all gone, as was the bbq chicken. Not really liking ribs, I discovered that the IGA folks were also smoking salmon. After a taste test, I bought a quarter pound. And that's how Kermit went salmon! I SHOULD note, however, that Kermit didn't actually have any himself since apparently frogs do not consume salmon as part of their diet. He was very polite about waiting for me to finish, however.

Why DON'T they have barbecue salmon in Texas?

Container Isn't Very Elegant, but There's Little Better than Hot Smoked Salmon Right Out of the Smoker!

 

Watch for Tricky People on Bikes

Approaching Bellaire Elementary from the North. Today's Subject Passed Through the Intersection About Where the Middle Car Is
Nowadays, There's a Traffic Signal Instead of the Stop Signs. At Least He had a Green for THIS Intersection

In any given situation, the safety of someone on a bike depends on his or her actions and the actions of other road users. This morning, on my commute to work, there was a guy on a bike going southbound down Bellaire a bit north of Bellaire Elementary School. He was hugging the right edge where the gutter pan meets the traffic lanes. Before long, he sort of wandered across the street, more or less in the middle of the left turn lane as he went into the intersection at Bellaire. He proceeded to ride down the street; now headed south in the northbound lane. After a couple of blocks, he zipped up onto the sidewalk, still headed against traffic. He rode along the sidewalk at about 18MPH; almost as fast as I was going on the road. It was fascinating to watch his driveway/intersection crossing technique –keep the head straight and keep going. Any motorist, however diligent, coming from one of the side streets, would have had no chance to avoid him. Any pedestrian approaching from the side would have gotten smacked. After a couple of more blocks I was far enough ahead that the show came to an end. Not long after, I arrived at the red light at Highway 10.

The Red Light at Highway 10. Back When it was Dark When I Got There
Today's Scofflaw Was ANOTHER Guy on a Bike. He Crossed on the Left Sidewalk
and Swerved Through the Highway Traffic

For an encore, while I was waiting for the light to change, along comes “clueless wrong-way sidewalk rocket guy,” who shot through the red light off of his wrong-way sidewalk, across three lanes of traffic and a left turn lane, threading through oncoming westbound motorists on Highway 10 that were naively expecting that their green light meant “GO” instead of “watch for a person running the red on a bike.” Though I knew it was NOT a teachable moment, I couldn’t help myself and yelled “it’s a red light!” in his direction. I admit it, sometimes I forget you’re supposed to watch for people on bikes, not yell at them. This guy then proceeded to ride eastbound along for the better part of a half mile on the left side of the left lane of a highway with a 50MPH speed limit before swerving across three traffic lanes in order to hop onto a sidewalk off to the side of the road. Lots of eastbound motorists got to watch this tricky guy. They all avoided him – THIS time. Cycling really IS safe!

One popular explanation for “safety in numbers” promoted by Jacobsen and many advocates is that motorists watch for bikes better when there are more bikes. I’d like to propose an alternate reason since I don’t see how ANY amount of added motorist diligence would help this tricky bike guy. Isn’t it more likely that with added bikes on the road, people on bikes have more opportunities to observe and simply ride less dangerously? Wouldn’t that result in lower crash rates? Motorists are trained NOT to run into things they see. That’s true whether that object is a bike, a parked car, a pedestrian, or even stuff floating in the wind. West of Amarillo, I was amazed to see motorists swerving all over the road to avoid running into tumbleweeds blowing across the highway. I suppose it is POSSIBLE that they were watching for tumbleweeds because there WERE a lot of them blowing across the road, but I doubt it. Avoidance training runs deep and it kicked in for the Motorists on Highway 10 this morning. Simply put, if the fraction of bikes shooting through intersections going the wrong way drops dramatically, the fraction of people killed doing such things will also drop. Maybe if people doing dim bulb stuff get yelled at by many more cyclists, they'll catch on.

Heading North, This Morning, the Guy on the Bike Would Have Been Headed Straight Towards Me

Certainly my loyal reader can think of other reasons for improved safety with added numbers – “with more bikes, traffic engineers stop ignoring bikes” is a personal favorite, but reduced DANGEROUS behavior seems more reasonable than others getting better at anticipating and avoiding that DANGEROUS behavior.

My Track This Morning, With Bellaire off to my Right. Rocket Guy was Headed the Same Way Two Lanes Over to the Left

Myth or Method?

Amazingly often, I hear people advocate riding against traffic. Almost invariably, their stated reason is to see oncoming traffic in case they need to jump off their bike.

Well, in the one recent time I had an "oncoming car" experience, I didn't have any time to take evasive action or to jump off my bike. Which brings up the question of whether it is actually possible to actually jump off a moving bike. For that matter, might my loyal reader know how such a feat might be accomplished even from a stationary bike. It MIGHT be possible with a step-through frame, but even then it seems much more just a theoretical possibility than anything realistic when riding. Am I somehow confused? Are my bike handling skills simply dramatically inferior to those that favor the "against traffic" mode?

I'm not talking about safety here. I'm wondering about simple physics and human motion mechanics. People are not fleas!

Not From Around Here

It seems that, lately, I've forgotten some of the endearing features of Texas. Today, I got reminded that this place really IS "Like a whole 'nother country!" And I also got reminded that I will never actually BE a Texan. Not even if I try REAL hard.

It started this morning. On the ride in to work, as usual, I saw nobody on a bike. However, between 6:30 and my arrival at work just a smidge after 7, I was waved to by a guy, in the dark who was walking his dog, another man who was simply standing on his porch, and by three other people including a school crossing guard. It is not simply coincidence that Texas posts highway signs that exhort motorists to "Drive Friendly." It is something that is part of the Texas culture. When I first arrived, I was taken aback by sales people coming out of stores as I walked by, simply to say "hello" and be nice. In a NICE way.

Well, it was good to get reminded of this southern hospitality that really is genuine. But on the way home, I got reminded that these friendly sorts are not and never will be MY people. You see, as I headed home, down the crest of the hill on Bedford Road, up the hill, in my lane, hugging the curb came a "salmon" (wrong-way person on a bike).

I knew this was not a teachable moment. Clearly, a guy on a bike riding slowly uphill, against traffic on a five-lane arterial with no shoulder, no parking, and an adjacent sidewalk was simply not thinking very clearly.

So, returning to my antisocial Pacific Northwest roots, I yelled at the guy. "You're going the wrong way!" I didn't even wave "howdy." Yes, I get grumpy. Friendly has its limits. No, I'm NOT from around here...

No Motorist at Fault

Harwood Road, a Bit East of the "Sidewalk Ride"

Today, I had somewhat of a close call on the way home from work. I was stopped at a stop sign, preparing to turn right onto Harwood Road in Bedford. As is my usual practice in such situations, I first scanned to the left, to see what oncoming traffic was on the arterial. I then scanned to the right, to see what might possibly be coming from the unexpected direction. Finally I scanned to the left once more and began my turn.

That is when it happened.

Down the sidewalk, from the wrong direction, a person on a bike shot off the sidewalk and directly into my path. Fortunately, my bike was a lot narrower than the typical SUV and so I was able to avoid the person without too much drama. I was, however, too startled to even yell out any inappropriate remarks in the direction of the sidewalk rider. In any event, I suspect that talking to such a person would NOT represent a "teachable moment."

Still, if you read this, and ride on sidewalks, PLEASE ride on the sidewalk where traffic is going in the same direction as you are. That at least gives people riding or driving on the road a fair shot at seeing you before a conflict situation arises.

Had I, instead have been driving an automobile and had we collided, it might well have been tagged as the motorist's fault, since I was beginning a right turn from a stop sign - "Motorist pullout." You might not care for your own life, but MY motorists deserve better. They ought not be tagged as scofflaws simply because of your ignorance. There are more than enough careless motorists to go around. Heck, even if you don't care a whit about MY motorists, show a little consideration for CYCLISTS that operate in a predictable and lawful fashion. Thanks, in advance. For those NOT reading this, well I've avoided inappropriate remarks so far and you aren't reading anyway.

PS: And PLEASE use lights in the dark, while you're at it! I'm running out of cheap lights to give to people who feel their life is worth less than the cost of one. Even riding WITH traffic down a sidewalk in the dark is a pretty questionable practice. Even a cyclist who is more careful on his commute than most will have trouble picking you up in the dark. Car-Free PVD has some good recommendations but even the ones NOT liked give me a shot at seeing you. Just sayin'.

PPS: Maybe I'll chill out a little next week when DST FINALLY ends. Right now, I'm feeling a little threatened by people on bikes...

Texas Salmon a Unique Species?

Today, on my ride home, on one of the shaded streets I tend to favor when it is over 100F, I encountered a salmon. Actually, it was somewhat lucky I didn't run into a salmon. Ho, hum, some of you may be thinking, salmon are all over the place. I've even posted about salmon on bikes. Well, this was no "bicyclis vulgaris gutteria." This was a full blooded Texas Proud salmon. I didn't get a whole lot of details other than it was blue, 90's Japanese hatchback, and all of a sudden I was headed straight toward her grille.

I was just coming up on the ET mailbox which marks a right turn on my route. From the other direction came the blue car, driven by an older lady. As she completed her left and then kept coming until she straightened in a good lane position had she been in the UK. This is not a situation I practice for. If she were going off the road, swerving right would do me little good. If she realized she wasn't still back in England, swerving left would be even worse. I was too startled to yell. All I did was slow down and hope that it wouldn't hurt too much. For anyone reading this that likes riding the wrong way because it'll give you a chance to jump off your bike, all I can say is cycle a block in my shoes before you say such again. Actually, 50 feet is plenty.

As my pulse and blood pressure dropped after she suddenly realized she was about to encounter a cyclist head on and swerved back to the RIGHT side of the road, related thoughts passed through my head. We had a news feature this morning about "Hot Car Death." It hadn't crossed my mind that the milder form of "Hot Car Fuzzy" might represent a danger to me. Still, my favorite theory is that motorist salmon have formed a breeding population of Texas Salmon. These have been appearing frequently (like a couple of times a week) where they drive the wrong way down a freeway or toll road until the odds catch up with them. Great graphics.

Consequences

Over the last year, I've messed up and, as a result have acquired some extra poundage. It supports my theory that cycling is worthless as a means of avoiding obesity. It CAN, however, be a valuable aid in dealing with the consequences. For the moment, it means that when I ride to the gym on Saturday mornings, I have to actually do a light workout in addition to a leisurely visit to the dry sauna. It also means that I'll snag some extra cash by winning our "lose weight" challenge at work.

Anyway, I decided this morning's ride would be eventful, so I actually brought a camera along, ready to validate my "snapping shots while traveling" technique that I previously reported. Why should I be the only uncoordinated, non-multi-tasking cycling blogger in the world? The first photo, above, shows that it would be a different morning indeed. It would soon be filled with "ninja salmon sidewalk riding" and constant honking. My loyal reader may want to avert eyes now so as to not have the image of my godlike superior riding technique forever shattered. Real people, however, may read on with no warranty implied or offered.

Seeing the construction truck coming down the road and more stuff behind it, I decided to abandon the "assertive riding approach" and become a "ninja (no lights) salmon (riding against traffic) sidewalk rider," leading to the little boy dream construction shot below. Actually, at 10AM, I think the lack of lighting is probably not going to offend even my most militant reader, and it seemed churlish to actually ride on the road here. Mostly I walked, riding only for about 20 feet so I could say I was a salmon sidewalk rider and be telling the truth.

It is true what they tell you about sidewalk riding being dangerous. Had that equipment been parked a little closer to the curb, you can see that my helmet could have been needed as it swung around in the picture below.

Don't ya just LOVE yellow construction equipment in action? My wrong-way sidewalk is at left

Even though there was clearance, I waited until the operater was digging again before I walked past

Immediately after passing by all this interesting construction, I noticed a constant honking. Actually it sounded rather squeaky for a honk. Before long, I made the correlation that this honk occurred whenever I was not on smooth pavement. Might Rantwick have flown south to keep an eye on me?

Not seeing Rantwick, I made it to the gym where I noticed an unusual amount of bike parking congestion, necessitating my alternate secure locking technique, in which the U lock attaches the lock and through the rear wheel, with the cable looping around through itself to secure the front. This is not the MOST secure, but allows excellent security for all the expensive stuff and good security for the front wheel. The OTHER bike, you will note, has no locking at all for its front wheel. Kermit is smiling because he is happy with my secure locking technique.

When I trudged into the gym, the guy at the counter asked if I took a picture to prove I actually rode my bike to the gym. I replied that, no, I just took pictures of good and bad bike locking. He then told me that the other bike was HIS, and that he was able to keep an eye on it. I said that was good, but it only took a second to snag that really nice looking front wheel. I did, however, refrain from a demonstration when I left. Speaking of which, some motorists really DO need to drive to the gym more often, so that the paramedics do not have to come and revive them. It's cycling that's dangerous? At least I don't think this was a major emergency. The paramedics didn't appear to be in a big rush to get inside.

After some relaxing coffee, I zipped, home, accompanied by MORE HONKING! The offending honker was finally captured in pixels, and is affecting a smile below. Yes, it was Kermit who has suddenly adopted a policy of alerting me when smooth pavement is not present. Just another warm and pleasant Saturday morning in Northeast Tarrant County.

Kermit, looking all innocent at the end of the morning outing. Doesn't he look happy, though?